Why Therapy Can Feel So Hard ( and why that is completely normal)

If you’ve ever left a therapy session thinking, “That was harder than I expected,” you’re not alone.
Despite what we see on TV or social media, therapy isn’t always an instant relief . Sometimes it feels uncomfortable, emotional, or even frustrating. But that discomfort doesn’t mean therapy isn’t working. In fact, it’s often a sign that something meaningful is happening.

Why Therapy Feels Hard

Therapy asks us to slow down, reflect, and confront parts of ourselves we’ve learned to protect - and that can feel deeply vulnerable.

Here are a few reasons why therapy can feel challenging at times:

1. It activates old wounds

Therapy often brings up experiences or emotions that were buried for years. When we begin to talk about painful memories, our nervous system may react with resistance , that “I don’t want to go there” feeling.
As the American Psychological Association (APA) notes, this discomfort is a natural part of emotional processing and is often a sign that healing work is taking place beneath the surface.

2. It challenges your defenses

We all develop coping mechanisms to manage pain ; overthinking, perfectionism, numbing, staying busy, avoiding feelings. In therapy, those defenses get gently examined, and that can feel threatening, even when you want to change.

3. It stirs fear of being judged or misunderstood

If you grew up feeling dismissed, invalidated, or like your emotions were “too much,” opening up in therapy can feel terrifying. People with attachment wounds or trauma histories often need time to build trust and safety before they can be fully vulnerable.

And that’s okay. Therapy moves at the pace of your nervous system, not the clock

What Resistance in Therapy Really Means

Many clients assume resistance means they’re “not doing therapy right.” But in reality, resistance is the mind’s way of saying, “This feels too much right now.”

You might notice resistance show up as:

• Changing the subject when emotions rise

• Missing sessions or “forgetting” to schedule

• Feeling irritated with your therapist

• Shutting down or going blank mid-session

Instead of seeing this as failure, therapists understand resistance as information- a signal of where safety, pacing, or deeper support might be needed.

Why Talk Therapy Alone Isn’t Always Enough

While traditional talk therapy offers insight and emotional awareness, healing often needs to include the body as well. Stress, trauma, and emotional pain are stored in the nervous system which means regulating the body can be just as important as processing the mind.

That’s why incorporating a holistic approach ; mindfulness, grounding, movement, breathwork, or even nutritional support can deepen the healing process.
As I often tell my clients:

“You can’t just think your way out of pain — you have to feel your way through it.”

In my practice, I advocate to combine talk therapy with body-based strategies that help clients reconnect to themselves on every level mind, body, and emotion.

If You’ve Been Avoiding Therapy Because It Feels Hard

You’re not alone if you’ve thought, “I know I should go to therapy, but I’m not ready for all that.”
Many people delay starting therapy because they fear opening old wounds, not knowing what to say, or being overwhelmed by emotion.

But here’s the truth:

• Therapy meets you where you are. You don’t have to have the “perfect story” or know what to say.

• You set the pace. You can talk about the things that feel safest first and build trust over time.

• Avoiding discomfort keeps pain alive. Facing it — even in small doses — is how we move toward healing, not away from it.

As the research from the Journal of Counseling Psychology highlights, clients who can tolerate and explore discomfort in therapy are more likely to experience lasting growth and emotional relief.

If You’re in Therapy and Considering Quitting

It’s completely normal to hit points in therapy where you wonder, “Is this even helping?”
Maybe you feel stuck, emotionally drained, or unsure what’s changing. This is often called a rupture in therapy and it can actually become one of the most healing moments.

Before you stop, consider:

• Talk to your therapist about how you’re feeling.
  This models exactly what healthy communication looks like- expressing discomfort instead of avoiding it.

• Your therapist can adjust. Whether you need slower pacing, a different approach, or more structure, good therapy evolves to meet your needs.

• Repair builds resilience. Working through hard moments together can help you practice the same skills you’re trying to build outside of therapy : vulnerability, trust, and communication.

  Therapy isn’t supposed to feel easy all the time. It’s meant to help you explore, understand, and heal. Sometimes that means feeling emotions you’ve spent years avoiding.

  For some people, therapy is about deep healing from old wounds. For others, it’s about learning tools to manage stress and reconnect with peace.

  
  Both are valid. Both matter.

  If therapy feels hard, it doesn’t mean it’s not working. It means you’re doing the brave work of change and that’s exactly where healing begins.

  If you’re ready to start therapy or return to it with a holistic approach, learn more at www.francescaemmalmhc.com