How to Stop Overthinking: A Therapist’s Guide to Calming Your Mind

Written By Francesa Emma

Why Do We Overthink Everything?

If you’ve ever replayed a conversation 50 times in your head, or laid awake wondering if you said the “wrong thing,” you’re not alone. Overthinking is a common mental health challenge, especially among millennials and high-achieving adults. At its core, overthinking is your brain’s way of trying to protect you—from failure, discomfort, or perceived rejection.

But instead of clarity, overthinking often leads to mental exhaustion, increased anxiety, and analysis paralysis.

The Signs You’re Stuck in Overthinking

  • Replaying conversations over and over

  • Constantly second-guessing decisions

  • Difficulty sleeping due to racing thoughts

  • Over-preparing or avoiding tasks entirely

  • Obsessing over how others perceive you

How to Stop Overthinking (and What to Do Instead)

Here are some therapist-approved tips to break the overthinking cycle:

1. Notice the Thought Spiral

Awareness is the first step. Start by labeling what’s happening: “I’m overthinking right now.”

2. Shift from “What If” to “What Is”

Bring yourself back to the present by asking:
→ What do I know to be true right now?
→ What’s actually happening—not what I’m imagining?

3. Interrupt the Loop with Action

Overthinking thrives in stillness. Take a small, grounded action: step outside, journal for 5 minutes, or engage in a physical task.

4. Use the “Zoom Out” Strategy

Ask yourself: Will this matter in a week? A year?
Putting the situation in perspective can shrink its emotional charge.

5. Replace the “Sorry” Habit

Overthinking often pairs with people-pleasing. Try replacing unnecessary apologies with gratitude:
→ Instead of “Sorry I’m late,” try “Thanks for waiting.”

Why Overthinking Happens at Night (And Why It Feels Worse)

Overthinking loves the quiet—and nighttime offers the perfect conditions.

Here’s why it hits hardest after dark:

  • Cortisol Spikes: In some people, especially those with high anxiety, cortisol (your stress hormone) doesn’t drop the way it should in the evening, keeping your brain in alert mode.

  • Sensory Deprivation: When external distractions fade—no meetings, emails, or TV in the background—your brain turns inward.

  • Exhaustion & Rumination: You’re more emotionally vulnerable when tired, making thoughts feel bigger and harder to regulate.

Thoughts at night are almost always more dramatic and less rational. Don’t make major decisions or judgments when your brain is in “bedtime overdrive.”

Quick tools to calm nighttime overthinking:

  • Write a “brain dump” list: Give your thoughts a home outside your mind.

  • Try the 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique (use senses to anchor to the present)

  • Progressive muscle relaxation or a short guided body scan

  • Repeat a calming mantra: “These thoughts are not emergencies.”

Overthinking in Social Situations: Why Did I Say That?!

Social overthinking—aka the “Did I sound weird?” loop—is rooted in fear of rejection and self-protection.

This shows up as:

  • Replaying things you said

  • Worrying about how you were perceived

  • Assuming someone is upset with you

  • Avoiding interactions for fear of saying the wrong thing

Why it happens:
→ Many people, especially those who’ve experienced rejection, bullying, or have high empathy, over-monitor themselves socially.
→ Overthinking can be a trauma response—hypervigilance to stay “safe” by being liked or accepted.

Tools for Social Overthinking

  • Use the “90% Rule”: 90% of people are thinking about themselves—not you.

  • Reframe your self-talk: “That moment felt awkward, but I’m allowed to be human.”

  • Practice realistic thinking: “Is there actual evidence they’re upset—or am I filling in blanks with fear?”

  • Be curious instead of critical: “What might have made that interaction feel off to me?”

Overthinking and Body Image: When Your Thoughts Turn Against You

If you live with an eating disorder or disordered eating patterns, overthinking often shows up in the form of body checking, food guilt, or mental calorie counting. You might spiral about:

  • What you ate

  • What you’ll eat next

  • How your body looks

  • Whether people are judging you

It’s exhausting—and it can feel like your mind won’t shut off.

Reminder: These thoughts are not your truth—they are symptoms. And just like any other symptom, they’re a sign that something deeper needs compassion and care.

Therapist-Recommended Tools to Quiet Overthinking

  • Body scans & grounding exercises

  • Cognitive reframing (“What else could be true?”)

  • Therapy (CBT, DBT, and trauma-informed care are especially helpful)

  • Digital boundaries (cutting down on over-consuming social media and food/body content)

Final Thoughts

Overthinking doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means your nervous system is trying to keep you safe in the only way it knows how. But you don’t have to stay stuck in the loop.

With practice, support, and tools, it’s possible to move from spiraling thoughts to grounded clarity.

Need support? I specialize in helping people work through anxiety, body image concerns, and overthinking rooted in disordered eating.


Visit www.francescaemmalmhc.com to learn more or book a consultation.

Francesa Emma
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